songs for man


Patience is a virtue; thank cosmos my mother was/is a garden junkie.

[ I am confused,
I do not remember you.


I do not remember the coughs, I only recall buwaji, Sunny, lovers, walls, blankets, all of them and it, concerned over my chest noises.

I do not remember how you called out my name. My name has become foreign due to all these bideshi tongues. How did my name play your lips, I can't recall.

I do not remember kisses, were there any at all? Though so many kisses lived and died, I do not remember loving, most of all. ]

But underneath and undying, you are a seed. Who knows what flowers will bloom?


Five years is a long time.
While one month,
18 days is a long time too.

Let us live with elastic parameters,
because time, affection,
& longings remain relative.


I am fond of gardens, overalt.

We are cruel sometimes. 


a cake for a cake

there were brick fences and plastic pipes
under the guava trees in our flight.
ladies with songs and kings with clowns
next to the comical backyard marathons.
 in sweaters we found muddy lints
my pleasurable little muffin kin.

soft speeches and puppies in pockets,
tank drawings and television sequence.
under chimneys and star gazing we held
coca cola in wine glass treasons. 
our childhood with fights and cries,
makes glee seem undignified. 

you may have blackmail complaints, 
I may have bigger lawsuits.
but your drawings were better,
while my speeches were glitters.

may you always have love tooth,
gnawing at your wisdom and fortitude.
maybe un-forgetting and never mending 
the fragments of nuisance and superman
flames, my little mouse brother 

you have turned another year again.  


bye bye miasma

If you live with someone for a prolonged period of time, you tend to be incapable of seeing them for who they truly are. Their antics, somehow, find a way to normalize itself in your head. After all, what happens out in the world is often very different from how your mind tends to remember it. The process of truth building is very corrupt when emotional dependency overshadows any objectivity. All complaints and grievances slowly become a mild smell that you get used to. If at first you had any doubts about commitment, they collaborate with time to become invisible. This is what happens if you live with someone for a long, long time...

..maybe because the charms of the lover are so strong and shiny, they will cajole your purest intentions straight to purgatory.

..maybe the company of the lover makes the whole world fade away in its blazing trail and the emotional phenomenon becomes a grand musical.

..perhaps the lover's silence becomes even more mysterious with time, like an unexplored jungle that keeps exploding with strange noises and animal behaviour.

..maybe our weakness in the lover's presence makes our definitions about life so loud, that overtime we start thinking they are our reality.

Funny thing, this reality business. In retrospect, reality always is a contested piece of land, like Jerusalem. It has so many dimensions and claims on its existence that neither east or west, hard or mushy, intrepid or brittle can become its true identity. But when the love affairs spills itself all over your life, making you paralysed and depressed- it has to be dealt with.

So I did.

And today I am very proud to announce the end of my tumultuous love affair with insomnia, after almost a decade of having lived with it. It does feel wonderful to be able to sleep at 11 pm or 10 or 9 pm. I don't know how I feel about it, maybe because I just don't have any time to long for it since the emotional zombie in me has been medically killed. The newly prescribed sleeping pills feel like horse tranquillizers and I am just on 25 mg.

Rebound relationships are a necessity for cowards, they say.

Christian Schole


re-installed blues

Dear rain-soaked old man,

A bizarre trajectory it is, your timing.
I was sitting with my head in my hands
looking at these dirty toes, the bare ground
underneath, the sun doing no harm and
having not done any good and out
of the blue in the lightest shade comes you. 

The delight and silent slithering of your
words crawled up my feet. They did.

But I restored my act of painting those
three twigs-yellow, they shall be wind
chimes I told myself an hour ago. And
half painted, half begun, half way done-
I broke them twigs. I threw the smoked butt
and lungs half in heart laughed at us both.

I guess we have all been lost somewhere
in these dull,commercial smells and sighs. 

So kathmandu's recent rain and days have
caught you in their midst? Oslo still pounds
beneath me.You spoke of rain, the cold, the
white beneath the blue while I have tales of
maybe sixteen tears I shed today thinkin
about home, the one that the world induced.

Home where the heart was, home where the
wifi don't work, home where the dogs lay, home
where garbage man comes with a whistling
finesse; yet when I am there I lay trapped in
the dust, the sound of horns, the lack of
light, the lack of trams and lack of sci-fi sights. 
Khai, I am in a strange turn right now. To
know what to do, where to be, how to be
and why it has to be is there- knowledge
is in abundance, but I just can't manage my
way around my own self. It is so very, very
strange - to be your own enemy and not fight. 

So today when I hate myself oh so very
much, in so many ways I read your words
and think- yes, darkness can be shared.

Remember, you mustn't  breeze through 
these clinical lines and smite. I did not intend 
to rhyme but I happen sometimes. 

Bombastic Soda Freak 


heart is not a linear matter

he patiently sits
 for me to melt and ease;
as if his affections were made of heat 
and steel. in a letter, this week, he wrote
how he lives and memorizes every sight 
of kisses that my lips once planted on him.
life may be cold he said but until the
 yellow flowers live in that Japanese porcelain
he shall without grumbling wait. 

wait for breath and stars to fade.


erotic task of depression

we come back from away and dark 
because in the morning 
lover slowly tells soft stories of nightmares 


It had been a while since you lied to me. So a total surprise it was not
hearing you say allthosemagneticallymundanethingsonceagain.

In response, I found myself getting even more attracted to you. 

And all this does not make me run away or stitch my sanity again. 
We live now, saved by the grace of inescapable romance hurling at us.  


Absence of space denotes one large breath.


Absence of one large breath denotes too much space in your head. 


This morning 
when the charcoal fanged stings of longings
 hit me 
in between my legs and emotional breath,
 I stoned myself to a noir comedy death. 

No wonder those words I uttered to you 
while I lay there now 
taste like stale bread. 

Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas. - Einstein


no exit

tonight lust is ill aligned 

there is no fit so diminutive 
where it could ease into a fall,
or a squeeze. because suddenly
lust is so winsome with eager ways.
oh, do stay away. 

but look at it
pretty please look:
a general man
a gullible gorilla
  a sarcastic kitty
a misunderstood tea lady
 a rococo fiasco
a pencil strummed shriek
some borrowed lines 
 a second-hand trick   
the fragrant flags
some common likes
some silver bling
some wooden shine
a suede attitude
the cursory timeline
a photoshop'ed enigma
unmanned attitudes
forget all impressions.

you are so complaisant 


May your day be ripe and important

If nostalgia were a religion,

I would pin myself as the purported atheist;
fighting in the dim lit chambers where
they worshiped air whose
feelings never roused questions. .
But This Is Such Vile Lies.

Because I know we are

waiting unfazed and ubiquitously
hanging by the smell
of the famished air
that once bruised our breath.

Eric T.White


meat moving days

beautiful come, beautiful go
your pink tongue and love's excuses galore
peachy pineapple puckering poses
please don't hold your naughty horses

a promise in the horizon says 
bring me, beat me. master play,
wooden wind chime is what boyfriend stages
love letters without a whip? please go get some lonely sleep

oh vile slices of high,
wide vile slices of petty and pretty high. sans 
sinuously grand loneliness makes for an inside attire
and now we shall ride out. or stand still here to die?

beautiful come, beautiful go