bye bye miasma

If you live with someone for a prolonged period of time, you tend to be incapable of seeing them for who they truly are. Their antics, somehow, find a way to normalize itself in your head. After all, what happens out in the world is often very different from how your mind tends to remember it. The process of truth building is very corrupt when emotional dependency overshadows any objectivity. All complaints and grievances slowly become a mild smell that you get used to. If at first you had any doubts about commitment, they collaborate with time to become invisible. This is what happens if you live with someone for a long, long time...

..maybe because the charms of the lover are so strong and shiny, they will cajole your purest intentions straight to purgatory.

..maybe the company of the lover makes the whole world fade away in its blazing trail and the emotional phenomenon becomes a grand musical.

..perhaps the lover's silence becomes even more mysterious with time, like an unexplored jungle that keeps exploding with strange noises and animal behaviour.

..maybe our weakness in the lover's presence makes our definitions about life so loud, that overtime we start thinking they are our reality.

Funny thing, this reality business. In retrospect, reality always is a contested piece of land, like Jerusalem. It has so many dimensions and claims on its existence that neither east or west, hard or mushy, intrepid or brittle can become its true identity. But when the love affairs spills itself all over your life, making you paralysed and depressed- it has to be dealt with.

So I did.

And today I am very proud to announce the end of my tumultuous love affair with insomnia, after almost a decade of having lived with it. It does feel wonderful to be able to sleep at 11 pm or 10 or 9 pm. I don't know how I feel about it, maybe because I just don't have any time to long for it since the emotional zombie in me has been medically killed. The newly prescribed sleeping pills feel like horse tranquillizers and I am just on 25 mg.

Rebound relationships are a necessity for cowards, they say.

Christian Schole

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